I'm Not Alone...

Have you ever just "woke up" and come to the realization that you are not alone in the way you feel, the way you think, they way you act...well everything really????

I had an eye opener today.  I really have no idea why all of a sudden these thoughts dawned on me...but nonetheless they did.  There are some things that I try to do religiously and stalking checking in with at least some of my fav bloggers is one thing that always, I mean always cheers me up or at least relaxes me a bit. 

Anyhow...

Today I was going through reading what some of my fav ladies (who by the way have no idea who the hell I am, nor do they care ;)) are up to and it hits me like a ton of bricks.  Most of these women (most of them have lives that I dream of) have problems too.  They have bad days, they have issues with their kids, husband, families.  For some unknown reason I have put all of these "cyberfriends" (and I use the term friends loosely) up on a 10 foot pedestal and told myself that they have these perfect lives that are completely unattainable for someone like me. 

And now I realize that this train of though I have been allowing and probably even encouraging is so unhealthy and ridiculous.  Why is it that if anyone else has a problem or does something "wrong" I find it enduring and forgivable.  Yet if it is me or my life I am hard on myself and downright miserable until I can find some other flaw to focus on. 

Everybody has the good, bad and ugly that comes with life.  Everyone ultimately wants the same things health and happiness for themselves and their family.  And at the end of the day that is really the only thing that matters.  Right????

(well health, happiness, and a great purse collection)

TO BLOG OR NOT????

I quit blogging for multiple reasons...but mainly because I'm lazy...

I really feel like this was healthy outlet and I have no idea why I let myself quit!  The only reason I can come up with is I am a quitter!!!

I tend to quit more things than I finish and I really hate that about myself.  I would love to be one of the people who follows through with whatever they start no matter what it is or how much they hate it.

I have no idea when or why I started quitting things I just know this has become a pattern or habit and I cannot seem to break it.  There are certain things that I don't actually quit but will continually want to quit and complain about while still doing them. (does that even make sense???)

Well in the last 9 month or however long it has been there have been BIG changes going on.

I WILL start blogging again and telling anyone who cares (probably just me) all about them.  But I think this is enough for my first step towards blogging again.

Procrastination

I am ready to admit it....

I AM A PROCRASTINATOR

there I said it, and now I feel like such a weight has been lifted.

I put everything off until the last minute.

I put schoolwork off...
I put housework off...
I put life off...
I put EVERYTHING off.

and then I get pissed because I feel like I have no time, and no help, and everyone ends up pissing me off.

Why do I do this you ask?

I.HAVE.NO.FREAKING.IDEA.

I can't stand the fact that I do this.

and

I especially can't stand other people who do this (yes I judge them, and don't you judge me)

So here I am asking for help

HELP!!!!

How do I become the organized, responsible, well put together mom, woman, person I crave to be?  I really want to be that person!!!  I want to have more time, and still have accomplished the things that need to be done (and I don't mean in a unrealistic way).  I don't want to be the person who puts everything off until the last minute.  I don't. I don't. I don't.

Am I alone in this, or does any have any suggestions for me.

(by the way don't judge the spelling in this post...my laptop is screwing with me)

Friendships

I am curious to know what you all think...

How do you know when an acquaintance has become a friend????

and

How do you know when friendships have just faded and are better left by the wayside????

Recently I have had a couple of these experiences where I am not really sure if this person wants to be considered a friend or maybe they are just being polite, or I am just in the right place at the right time, and they feel like talking.

I also have a couple of friends who I thought I was fairly close with who now seem to not have the time of day for me...ok maybe I am not that broken up about this friendship because it was pretty one sided anyways, but none the less it was a friendship.

I am not the type of girls who has a ton of friends especially girlfriends.  I am not very outgoing, and I would most of the time rather not be surrounded by "snarky" women, and most women seem to be "snarky".  Of course if I feel really comfortable I can become a little snarky, but I do want more to talk about than just the usual gossip.  So this typically doesn't make me many female friends.  Oh yeah, and I do not put myself out there!!!!

No I am just rambling and completely away from my original questions.

So please leave me a message and give me your take on friendship.

Where I Have Been

Everyone let me tell you where I have been....

NOWHERE

I have had a HUGE case of the lazies...

I have felt overwhelmed with every aspect of my life...

and I have just been in a nasty funk.

This is nothing new, this normally happens to me from time to time, but once in a while it takes a little work to get me back into the swing of things.

I am hoping that with school starting again for me and the girls, a new routine will be established and that might help me gain some sort of stability. 

Life is good and should be enjoyed so that is now my mission...(well while doing all the shit work too laundry, cleaning, cooking...)

So I am back and will try my best not to disappear again!!!!

"And How Was Your Week"

I would like to start out with some complaints (surprise, surprise)!!!

I am annoyed with construction men who think it is acceptable to work until past 9 pm??? First of all it is dark people, yes it is just getting dark, but dark is dark.  And secondly, my daughter is in bed, most of the time asleep, and if you wake her I will want to kill you with a dull knife.  After she goes to bed is the ONLY time I get kid-free, and I look forward to that so don't think you will take away my peace and quite.

I am annoyed with health food.  I want to eat health, I really do.  But the temptation of junk food is so overwhelming I really have no willpower and I will always want to eat the crap before the "good" stuff.

Again with the motivation/willpower I have absolutely none, zip, zero, zilch.  I want to get back into a healthy weight range.  I want to fit into my clothes.  I want to live a more health life.  Yes, I really do want all of these things, however, I have no idea how to find and keep my motivation.  Any ideas???

These are just some of the things that annoyed me this week.  And just so you know there are many things in my life that I am thankful for it's just not as much fun to write about those...

So how was your week????

"What's Going On In Your Pants"

In my house there has been a rule made up recently, like while on vacation this June in New York.  Here is the "rule"... we cannot discuss what is happening in our pants.  Sounds a little strange, yeah it does to me too.  Let me explain...

While in NY I had mentioned that we need to hit up a drugstore so that I could buy some girly products (period time -of course I was on vacation, when else would I start???).  My "better half" decided that was more information than he needed to know/hear and I was told that it was an overshare.  I promptly informed him that 3 of the 4 occupants of the car either has had or would be having periods and he lived in a house with ALL females so suck it up and drive.  He decided he would pull rank and institute a new rule for the family.  New rule being we are no longer allowed to speak of anything happening in our pants. 

This new rule is funny for a couple of different reason but mainly because the "better half" is ALWAYS letting us know when he has had, needs to have, or simply cannot have a movement (as in bowel movement).  So we are always aware of what is happening in his pants.

Okay so that is the backstory now let me tell you how this all ties into last week.

I was having some issues that kind of had something to do with what was going on in my pants.  I really did think maybe I had a bad case of gas or something similar to that...but this is what happened.

On Monday, we had a busy day getting our 4 year old ready to start school on Wednesday.  We took her shoe, clothing, and supply shopping.  Yes, we did all of this in one afternoon. Have I mentioned that I am a procrastinator???  While shopping I started to get stomach cramps, nothing terrible but I was feeling like something just wasn't right.  Like always I ignored my symptoms and continued on with life.

On Tuesday, the 16 year old went in the morning to have all 4 wisdom teeth removed.  She was terrified, and I was anxious.  I didn't like the idea of her being put under.  Anyhow, everything went great with her.  But in the meantime I was still have the cramps but they were beginning to become intense.  Again, I ignored them and tended to my daughter.

Tuesday night at 8 p.m. I could no longer ignore the pain and decided to go to the Urgent Care.  Once there I waited for approximately forever to be seen, and once the doctor took one look at me and my symptoms promptly informed me that I MUST go to the ER immediately.  He was sure I had appendicitis. 

So off to the ER I went, where I wait for another eternity to be seen by a doctor.  Once seen by this doctor she too was sure I would need surgery to remove my appendix.  Well let me tell you, that I let both of these doctor know I did not have time for surgery one kid was at home in pain from teeth removal, the other kid had her first day of school the following morning, and to top it off my mom was moving the next day.  I could in no way, shape or form be in the hospital or laid up at home.  Needless to say neither doctor cared or felt sorry for me.

So here is what happened... it turned out to not be my appendix, I actually have a cyst on my ovary.  Extremely painful and very similar to your appendix bursting (so I'm told).  I didn't need surgery, however, I was unable to take my daughter for her first day of school, and could only lay on the couch for the next 24 hours (but the pain meds were really good).

So my week wasn't great.  But on a happier note my daughter is doing great.  She ended up having one of the incisions become infected so they cut that open and gave her antibiotics, and she is back to her ole' self now.  I am almost pain free and back in the swing of things.  And my younger daughter only gives me a guilt trip once in a while about not being able to take her.  However, I have had to promise that I will TRY to take her and pick her up for the rest of the year (notice the promise involved the word TRY).