Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Hardest Decision Part II

Linking up with Shell over at

So I left off, finding out that I was 16 and pregnant, and with my parents going through a nasty divorce battle.

I needed to decide which was the best/easiest way to break the news to my parents...but little did I know that telling them wasn't going to be left up to me.  The baby's Dad (lets call him "J") decided to tell his mom, who in turn, decided it was her place to call my Dad and let him know all about the pregnancy.  So once the shock and disappointment wore off, I knew I needed to tell my Mom and quick.  I finally just blurted it out! My Mom said she had a feeling and then promptly started crying for days and days (like 3 or more).  I have never felt more alone, humiliated, embarrassed, mortified, scared, and just overwhelmed.  But no matter what else was happening between my parents they both sat me down and let me know that whatever my decision was they would be behind me and support me the best they could.  I was told they were my parents no matter what and they would always love me.  And to this day they are my biggest cheerleaders, and great support.

I decided that abortion wasn't a choice I was ready or willing to make and adoption was just completely out of the question for me, so I was having this baby.  Well little did I know that having a baby changes everything, especially when you are 16 and have always been "the baby" of the family.  I needed to grow up and fast.  So that is exactly what I did.  Now I am not going to sit here and tell you that everything was just perfect from that point on because I would be lying through my teeth, but I did make many changes right away.  Baby's Dad "J" did not, and still has not.  I decided  that if I was having this baby I needed to do my best to make my life and this child's life the best that it could possibly be. 

I knew this meant getting an education and a job.  I am proud to say that after ALOT of hard work  I graduated on time and did this while taking care of my now daughter and working to support our needs.  I didn't always have great jobs, but I always had a job that paid.  There were times when I worked two jobs just to make the money we needed to live.  I have been going to college on and off for years now, but am happy to say that I will SOMEDAY get my college degree.

Needless to say because I am pretty sure you figured it out but baby's Dad "J" and I didn't work.  He was young (so was I) however, I was willing and ready to grow up and take on the responsibility that I/we created.  He wasn't and isn't a part of her life, but that is his thing and he will have to come to terms with himself and her when the time comes.  He of course blames me for his lack of parenting, but he made the choices and he has to live with them. (I won't go into specifics but let me tell you this has not been friendly for a long time)  I will say I have  NEVER said a bad word about him to our daughter and she has always known who he is.  She will need to make up her own mind about him and what she thinks/wants their relationship to be like. 

Fast forward 10 years and I met the most wonderful man I have ever known.  I had not been in any type of relationship for about 6 years at this point.  So me and my daughter were just living life and I really thought we were happy and had everything we could have wanted or needed.  Then one of my girlfriends invited me to go out with her and some friends, and I decided to go which was rare.  However, that night I met my "better half".  I told him from the start that I had a daughter who was my world and he would always take a backseat to her.  He was okay with this.  That should have been my first clue that he was a keeper.  Anyways, we dated for about 2 months and then I thought maybe they should meet.  That meeting left alot to be desired.  My daughter hated him because she believed that he was coming in between us, and that to her was the worst thing that could happen.  She learned that no matter who I dated or what was going on she was my number one priority.  She opened up and fell just as much in love with him as he fell in love with her.  They have the most amazing relationship today.  They have days that are just for the two of them.  He will take her shopping, then dinner and a movie, and she is learning what a Dad is supposed to treat you like.  She is learning that there are men out there that will love you unconditionally, and he is teaching her just as much as she is teaching him.  I am so thankful for the relationship they have developed.

My parents have always been the ones to help when I needed someone to babysit or just a shoulder to cry on, and then I met my "better half" and he taught me that there really are other people who want to be with you just because of who you are.  No string attached.

I have tons more drama that goes through out the past 16 years but I don't want to bore you, so let me know if you want me to keep going!!!


dkdart16 said...

WOW!!! tears sniffle got me with stuff about "your better half" and your daughter!!!! I LOVE IT! and I LOVE YOU!!!!

amygrew said...

Such a great story. Love the new design!

Bouncin' Barb said...

I went through similiar situations and my life turned out great. I picked my sons father and he adopted him. You sound like a great lady. Happy for you.

Shell said...

Definitely not bored- give us more!

Heather said...

What a great story.
Very interesting and I love how pulled yourself up and made yourself a happy ending!!

(Nice to meet you again!)

Mandi said...

After loosing touch for so many years, it's interesting to go back and read about your life. You are doing a great job on the blog btw!!

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